Everything boils down to today really. I either prove myself or I don’t. And waking up with a jump, feeling absolutely nervous because you don’t understand the concept, because suddenly you feel like you’ve lost your ability to visualize anything, be it writing or making films…you feel like the quicksand is slowly sucking you in…and you are alone in the big big big forest for miles and miles together and nobody can hear your screams for help…
I am not able to help myself to begin with. The sand, the powerful sand is doing all it can to pull me in, and I stand helpless before its awe-inspiring supremacy. I just don’t get the hang of visualizing shots…I don’t watch movies at all or barely do. I don’t watch television either. So while it is really interesting, the whole funda of moviemaking is lost on me. Its okay to write – create imaginative characters, tell stories in words, but what about in terms of pictures ?! How do they do it? Where do they get this incredible third eye from?! I never understood, and I don’t know if I ever can. And it is this one time that I get to prove myself and it is today that I can feel myself fall. I can feel that sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. Its nagging at me. And Its only the beginning – If I’m already so frightened of the camera, what is to happen ahead? What does my fate say?
I know, the feeling comes because there is no belief in myself. I keep telling myself “Mea you can do it, if you can write about it, you can shoot it too! it’s not very different” But no, my heart doesn’t listen to my mind and then I suddenly feel all flustered and incapable. My inability looms so large, it bedazzles me. And I don’t even know how to convince myself that “yes mea, you have it in you, you can NAIL this thing!”
God Bless Me, I be praying for myself over and over again today. Amen.
Comments (1)
dont worry....its an advantage to shot a work you have written...in case you dont know how to do it...just close your eyes.and think how you want to see your script if someone else had done it..like a movie...and once you know..shot it in the same manner.. :)